I ended up only spending 3 days in Edmonton before I had to get back on the Greyhound to go back to Cincinnati. It was not a very relaxing "vacation" because Rob decided he wanted to come back to the States with me so he had a lot of loose ends he had to tie up before we left. He was not in a very good place in his life either and thought coming back with me would be a solution. He was in the middle of a divorce, he had mental/emotional disabilities which caused him to not be able to work so he was on social assistance (welfare), and he, like my ex, had a problem with alcohol and cigarettes. Having just met him I didn't think any of these things were that bad. But, little did either of us know, he was VERY unstable.
We got on the Greyhound heading East. The route would take us through almost the entire country of Canada! For most of the trip we had great fun, talking about everything and anything. When we were driving through Riding Mountain National Park in Manitoba, we were so taken by everything around us. That's when Rob proposed to me! Of course I said "yes" but then things started to get weird. I didn't know that Rob had problems sleeping and that is why he drank alcohol every day. I also didn't know he had a problem sleeping on a moving vehicle. He stayed awake for 3 days on the bus...and without the alcohol he started to have DTs (Delirium Tremens - an acute episode of delirium that is usually caused by withdrawal from alcohol.) He started to hallucinate and was fearful of little things (like the bus driver). I had no idea what was going on. When we arrived in Toronto things started to get much worse. From Toronto our next stop was London, Ontario. That was the worst part of the trip. Rob started hallucinating again but this time I was in the middle of it. He kept telling me he wanted to get off the bus and he wanted his bus ticket (which I was holding on to). I told him the bus was not going to stop on the side of the highway to let him off so he should SIT DOWN and BE QUIET! (By this time he was starting to make a scene. The bus was packed and he was standing in the aisle begging for his bus ticket). When we finally pulled in to the Greyhound station in London, the bus driver pretty much kicked Rob off the bus. There were two cops waiting for him and an ambulance. The bus driver must have called ahead to warn them. They put him in handcuffs. I was scared to death! I had just met this guy and I knew something was terribly wrong! This is NOT how this guy really acts. I just KNEW something was wrong. (We still didn't know it was the alcohol causing all this). I grabbed all our bags off the bus and went to figure out what was going on. I had two choices. I could say "Screw this!!" and get back on the bus to Cincinnati, probably never speaking to him again, or I could go to the hospital to find out what this was all about. I obviously chose the later and I am so thankful I did.
I couldn't see him right away when I got to the hospital. (He was handcuffed to a gurney and taken away in an ambulance. I had to stay and talk to the cops for a bit. They called me a cab to the hospital to meet up with Rob.) I could hear Rob yelling for me. I just remember crying and worrying that he was not going to be OK. I was in a little waiting room separate from the main waiting room. A woman walked by the room and glanced in to see me crying. She came back and peeked in the room asking if I was OK. For some reason I felt the need to tell her the story. She hugged me and told me he was in great hands and that things would all turn out for the best.
Finally, a nurse came in to tell me I could go see him. He had so many IVs and cords attached to his body. When he saw me and realized I didn't leave him he cried and reached out to hug me. I saw the life come back in his eyes. It made me feel like it was going to be OK and that he still cared for me. I wondered if his proposal in Manitoba really meant anything or if he was just having a hallucination. Turns out he was serious!
He stayed in the emergency room for quite awhile before they decided to admit him to the psychiatric ward. It was horrible. They locked him in this little, tiny room. They, at least, allowed me to stay in the room with him. They wanted to keep him overnight. I had no where to go so they reluctantly allowed me to stay locked in his room with him. There was only one bed so I slept on the cement floor with no pillow and only a thin hospital blanket to cover me. They had someone come in and check on him several times through the night. They made me so mad because they wanted to make sure he was functioning properly. But when they would come in at all hours of the night they would ask him questions, like what day is it? or what year is it? I'm sorry, but if I'm abruptly woken I don't necessarily know what the date is and I'm sane! He kept answering incorrectly so of course at 6:00 AM the next morning they decide he is not stable enough to be released. I was terrified! It was Sunday morning. I was in London, Ontario and I had to take a Greyhound the last 8 or so hours back to Cincinnati so I could go back to work the next morning! The psychiatrists/social workers told me there was nothing I could do and they were going to move him to a different area of the hospital where I would not be able to visit. I had no choice but to get back on the bus to Cincinnati. I was crushed. I thought there was no way I'd ever get to see Rob again and I wouldn't know if he was OK. The plan was when he got released from the hospital he would take the next bus to Cincinnati.
I went back to my somewhat normal routine until I heard from him that he was being released. I was so excited because he was on his way! That Tuesday evening I got a phone call from Customs and Border Patrol in Detroit/Windsor. They asked me all sorts of questions, like did I know Rob, how long was he going to stay with me, what would he do for money, etc. I answered the way I thought I should. I assumed he was standing there in the immigration office ready to cross the border. I waited patiently for the phone call from Rob that said he had arrived in Detroit. I got a phone call a couple hours after the border called me...it was NOT the phone call I had hoped for. Rob was not allowed to cross the border to the US and was sent back to Canada. My advice is DO NOT try to cross the US/Canada border if you have an expired passport, have just been released from the psych ward of a hospital and you only have $20 to your name. Rob had no where to go and ended up sleeping on the street outside the Windsor Greyhound station (the station was closed). The next morning he took the bus back to London where he checked himself back in to the psych ward. His parents had wired him a plane ticket back to Edmonton but he had to stay in the hospital for a few days. I decided to drive the 6 hours to London from Cincinnati to say "good-bye" because I didn't know when the next time was I would get to see him again. I stayed in London for the weekend then took him to the airport. It was such a sad time. All of our plans had been spoiled. Now what?
Once Rob got back to Edmonton he had to live with his parents because he lost his apartment thinking he would be living in the States with me for awhile. (This all happened before we realized how hard the immigration process really is!) I was thankful he was around his family because I was afraid he would "go crazy" again. A week or so later he had a new apartment and he started fresh. I visited Edmonton again that summer and I finally got to check out the city. I fell in love with Edmonton! His apartment, however, was in a very bad part of town and his place was a tiny one-room apartment. He had fallen back into his old drinking habits once again. He had done it for so long that he really didn't know any better. This is what he knew best. He took it one day at a time and he would do everything he could just to fall asleep and try not to think about his life. I still did not quite comprehend how bad his situation really was. I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship with me ex that had everything to do with alcohol so I put Rob's problems in the back of my head. I refused to see them.
In May 2008, I moved to Great Falls, Montana. I didn't want to try to move directly to Canada but I knew I needed to be around Rob maybe because I thought I needed to take care of him, thinking I could do everything to fix him. I left everything I grew up with, everything I loved, gave away my three cats (that were pretty much my life) and left everything I knew to move to a small town where I knew no one, had no place to live, and no job lined up. I would be 500 miles away from Rob and his family and nearly 1700 miles from my family and friends in Ohio. I sucked it up and followed through because I knew this was something I needed to do. My very loving parents helped me move to Great Falls. They helped me find an apartment and helped get me set up. We then all drove up to Edmonton so they could meet the man I had fallen in love with. I decided to stay in Edmonton for a couple weeks longer than my parents did. But by the first of July I knew I had to get back to Great Falls to start making a living.
I got back "home" July 3rd. I spent July 4th watching fireworks, alone. On July 6th, my birthday, I spent it alone. I had never felt such loneliness and homesickness. I sulked for several days. I still had no job and knew no one and I was running out of money...fast! By the end of July one of the debts incurred by my ex came back to haunt me. I owed a large sum of money to a creditor for, what else, my ex's and my wedding rings. They started to garnish my bank account! I literally had NO money now, no job, no friends...this was the lowest I had been since before I left my ex. My parents, once again, came to my rescue and loaned me the money to pay my debt. This is when things started getting better.
I finally got a call from the art museum in Great Falls where I had hoped to start working. At the same time, my landlady (I lived in her basement apartment) came to my door and asked if I would be interested in working at the History museum where she was the director. I was thrilled! I now had two jobs and both at museums! What fun this will be! I worked part time at both places for a couple of months. The art museum asked if I would be willing to work more hours (not quite full time) which would cause me to not be able to work at the history museum anymore. But art is my passion so I took the offer! I finally started meeting great people. Now I had a place to live, a job, friends, and money! Things were looking up once again!
It wasn't until November 2008 when I realized how serious Rob's alcohol addiction really was. He ended up in the hospital again. He had HAD it with alcohol! He was sober, got another new apartment and was starting his life over again. He was only sober for two months before it went down hill again. This time, I felt it was my fault.
One day at work I got very sick. I was dizzy, almost to the point of passing out. I was bleeding heavily. My coworkers were concerned so they sent me home and told me to go see a doctor. I wasn't a full time employee so I had not medical insurance and I knew I couldn't afford to pay for a regular doctor. My boss suggested I go to Planned Parenthood. As soon as I got home I made an appointment. They told me to come in the next day. I had my "female" exam and my blood pressure was WAY off. After some questioning and some tests were taken they determined that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and if I ever want to have children I will need some serious medical assistance to make it happen. This crushed me. It was so hard to accept. All of my friends are having babies and enjoying being mothers. Now I'm being told I may NEVER be a mom! I am a nurturer! I NEED to be needed! I HAVE to take care of people, animals, things in general! I called Rob right after I found this out and was bawling my eyes out. We have talked about kids before and how Rob wants to be a dad! Now, because of my stupid ovaries we may never be able to start a family! It was after this news that Rob started drinking again. This time he didn't tell me about it. On February 19, 2009 he ended up in the hospital one LAST time. The doctors told him if he continued with this drinking habit he would die. He was literally killing himself. Once he was released he went back to his parents house so they could keep an eye on him. However, they travel to Palm Springs, CA every March so in a couple of weeks he would be alone again. That's when his mom called me to see if I could take a leave of absence from work to come stay with Rob. He was starting rehab at the end of March so he shouldn't be left alone for too long in case he decided to go back to his addiction. Once again, I was torn between...well, everything! I knew I needed to be there for Rob. After all, he is the reason why I moved to Montana in the first place. But, I was loving my job and finally getting my artistic life back (since I had lost it while I was with the ex). Overall, Rob's health took precedence. I left for Canada on February 28, 2009. I figured I would only be there for a couple of months then I would have to come back to Great Falls to work again. Boy, things change in the blink of an eye!
Rob's rehab went great! He had to stay on the "campus" for 19 days, had extensive counseling, and met some great people he could confide in. On April 17th he "graduated" from rehab. Five days later we were married! Rob has been sober for almost 11 months now! I couldn't be more proud of him! He now works for a catering company (not full time but it's a start)! We are enjoying our married life and working through things one day at a time. I can't legally work in Canada so it is still an emotional struggle for me. I am constantly feeling like I don't pull my weight. I clean, cook, do laundry and drive us to where we need to go (Rob doesn't have a driver's license) but I still feel very worthless. The last thing I want is to be like my ex. Rob pays for everything and it makes me feel horrible.
Well, that brings us up to where I am today! This is how I got here. The journey is not over. As a matter of fact it is just beginning! Immigration laws and paperwork continue to haunt us but I know, in the end, everything will work out. It always does. Everything happens for a reason. After all, I lived in my personal Hell for almost 9 years because it was meant to be that my path would cross Rob's path. If I had ended the relationship with me ex any earlier Rob and I would not be together. Isn't life amazing? Isn't it funny how things work out? I know there will still be struggles for us but I'm looking forward to this journey...together!
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